completely

I know, I'm not supposed to write about you anymore, but yeah, I need to post this. 

Today was the first time I saw you since I came home. I've been preparing myself when this happens. But today, I was totally caught unexpectedly. I've been thinking to myself that I will act normal when I see you. 

But then, you greeted me. I didn't expect it. And honestly, when I saw you, I asked myself, "Where did the feelings during those three long years go?" And then I realized, I just really moved on already. 

But then, I have to make everything clear to you. I mean, I don't want to keep your hopes up. I don't also want to keep on giving you signs that an "us" could still be possible. But yeah, I do still want to keep the friendship, we are friends after all. I just don't know how to make things clear to you. If I start avoiding you, you may just take it as my normal reaction to you. If I start being all friendly, you may take it as a "I still like you" sign. Why does this have to be so complicated?

One thing is INDEED for sure. This time, I am 200% sure that I've moved on. I am being totally unfair if I settle for someone just because he's the one nearby. I know how difficult the situation would be, but as I said, I am completely ready to take risks and whatever just for the one who really made me feel loved, valued and important. 

To that one person, I miss you more than you could imagine. I know I keep on telling you "I miss you" and you may juts take is as my routine speech to you but I really mean it. I know everything will be difficult, but I still believe everything will be worth it in the end. 

I miss you. I can't wait to see you again.  

Take me back to Korea...

I've been home for almost a week now.And somehow, I miss Korea so much that it breaks my heart already.

anyway, my last post was before my birthday.

So...
yeah, my birthday went well. I mean, nothing grand but all the well-wishes made me really happy. Simple, fun...

Then, I started packing my stuff already. And the next thing I know, I'm back home.

Yes, leaving Korea made me cry a lot. But then, a friend told me that if I cry a lot, that's a good thing...it means that place means a lot to me. So yeah, Korea means a lot to me. I mean, it's the place where I learned to be independent. It's the place where I learned to live life with "no holding back". And yes, it's the place where I learned to take risks and fall in love.hahaha

Right now, I want to go back to Korea. I miss the late nights noraebangs...I miss the late night walks...I miss the late night hanging out...I miss going out not being worried of my safety...I miss the dormitory...I miss privacy...I miss freedom...I miss fast internet...I miss pojamaja...and most of all, I miss the places that remind me of me and you. <3

I see pictures of you...and I see that you're enjoying vacation well. I'm happy for you and I know it's what you wanted. And now, it breaks my heart to realize that you will be coming back to Korea and I won't be there anymore to say good morning or take care to you...I won't be there to annoy you...I won't be there to make you smile.

I am still holding on to your every word. I am still wishing that you won't break your promises. I miss you more and more...maybe even more than you can imagine...And yes, I am falling and falling even more.