무엇이든지 감사해.^^

December 27,2011

This time, it's for real. You really went home already. And I was glad that I did see you before you left.

That afternoon I sent you a message in Kakao talk asking if you had time this evening. I didn't really expect you to call me but you did. You asked me where I was. I was at work and said I'll be back at around 6. You said that I should just call you when I come back.

So I did. I called you and said I was in front of the dormitory already. I wanted to meet you because I wanted to give you a book. So I handed it over and said it was my gift for you. I was saying goodbye already but you said, "Wait, I have something for you." I asked what it was and you said, with a naughty smile,  "A gift" (of course, I know. hahaha) Then you offered me a handshake. I wanted to hug you but then I decided not to. At least I was able  to hug you already anyway. So what was inside? Here's a picture:

It was a lip balm and hand cream. Yes, it was a simple gift but it meant a lot to me. And yes, the background is the wrapper that you used for it. You also put your picture in it. hahaha. The picture made me laugh because of your message. You said, "...Remember this face." hahaha. So yeah, this gift meant a lot to me. =)

Then I was still very "kilig" when I saw another thing that made me smile more. this one: 

So you posted a picture of my gift in China's Facebook version. It was a big deal for me. I was happy...no, thrilled when you did that. hahaha. And the album's title is "People in South Korea"(well, I used google translate for it) So yeah. I was thrilled that you posted it. Conversely, it means I am a part of your life in South Korea. Thank you. You've made me smile more than you know. =)

Then at 12am of December 28,you really left. I called you at 12:15 but you weren't answering. I wanted to call you again but I don't know why I decided not to...maybe because I didn't want you to think that I was clingy or something. So yeah, I slept at around 1:30...without checking if you sent a message in my Kakao talk. When I woke up at 8am, I checked my Kakao talk, it had a 4 new messages...3 of which were from you. Your first message was saying sorry that you didn't answer my call,you were riding the bus so you didn't see it. The next two were just saying "동생" which means you were really waiting for my call. So I immediately sent you a message saying I got disconnected from my wi-fi and I am really sorry. You said you were in the plane already and was leaving in a couple of minutes. You said you should turn off your phone now. I wished you a safe trip. and your last message was a heart. <3

Yes, just a heart. Nothing else. No other sentence. 

That made me feel loved. That made me feel that everything you promised and told me was real. That made me believe that we will make this work. 

Thank you for making me December really good. No, thank you for making half of my year a year full  of love, happiness and "kilig" memories. 

And for everything, Thank you. You will always be in my heart and mind. 

You will surely have a special place in my heart. 

메리 크리스마스 ^^

It is my first Christmas away from home,so as expected, earlier that afternoon, I really felt the Christmas blues.

Christmas here is very different. No Christmas lights around. No special Christmas events..and yes, Christmas are only for couples.

And because I didn't "belong" to their idea of a perfect Christmas, I did feel down during that afternoon. I did wish I could go home to be with my family.

But then,my Filipino friends and I had a small gathering. It wasn't as grand as the one back home but yeah, it was good enough for us to feel the spirit of Christmas.

BTW, did I tell you he's still here in Korea? Well, I was really surprised when I knew of it. I mean, I knew days ago that he was still here, that he delayed his flight back home. But I didn't expect myself to be caught offguard when I see him again.

Seeing him was like holding on to that 0.001% probability.And yes, that 0.001 percent did happen...on Christmas eve. =)

So I saw him in the foreign kitchen and they were drinking. He was red all over already and I knew he was drunk already so I kept on ignoring him. But then he made coughing sounds as if calling my attention so I decided to give him a smile.

They finished their party but we were still having ours. He approached our table and said "Dongsaeng, Happy Christmas!" (and yes, I did do all my snobbish act and corrected him saying that it's supposed to be Merry Christmas and not Happy Christmas.=P) They Tel was such a nice friend that she initiated that we should take pictures together. When it was our turn to take our picture together, you "comfortably" put your arm around me and pulled me close to you. I knew you were drunk, but yeah, it was a good feeling. =)

Kakao talk is my bestfriend now. =))))

We were talking in kakao and you kept on telling me that I should talk to you when I see you...because if I don't you're sad.

In 2 days, you'll be leaving Korea. I don't want you to go but I know how much you miss home. I hope you arrive home safe.

And yes, I'm still holding on to your promise that we will keep in touch no matter what...that we will do face-to-face chatting...and that you will never forget me.

난 너에게 정말 고맙다. =')

And yes, today is D-day. T_T

Honestly, I don't know where you are right now. I think I don't even want to know. But yes, I do hope you arrive home safe. For now, I will be writing about the best two memories that you left me with here in Korea.

Friday was our last class together. It was a day full of sadness for me. Earlier that afternoon, I had to say goodbye to my buddy team. And later that day, I had to say goodbye to you. Because I was going home by next year, I wanted to take as many pictures as possible. So I took pictures with the class and our teachers.( too bad I wasn't able to take a picture with one of our teachers.T_T)

So we were taking pictures and you kept on standing beside or behind me. There was even one time when you were playfully holding my shoulders during the picture. I wanted to hold your hand back but I was too shy to do it. The teachers went out and we decided to take pictures of ourselves. We had a group picture. You were staying in the front line and I was at the back. You turned around and seemed to look at me. Then the next thing I knew, you put your arms around me. It was kind of "weird" mainly because if you wanted to stretch you arm, you could have put it on the shoulders of the person beside you. But you didn't. You decided to give yourself a hard time and put it around my shoulders. After the picture was taken, you looked at me as if asking if I was okay with it. Of course I was! I liked you! HAHAHA. That night, we decided to invite you guys for 노래방 and a little of drinking. (Yes, I instantly said yes when my friend asked me if it was okay.) (and yes, my mom doesn't know I drank, she just knows I went out to sing.=P)

So we met at 11-ish. Me, You, Tel, Mark, Hwa Rim, Sa Cheol, Yu Hao and Mr.Fawad went all together. It would have been better if Iye and Mi Jin were with us. But still, it was fun. I was very happy because I was walking with you to the place. We talked and talked as if we were the only two people there. We even stopped in the street to look above at the stars. It was very sweet. So we sang and drank and had a lot of fun in the karaoke. 

And yes, I think I drank a lot. I told you again I liked you. You asked me if I found one of our classmates handsome. I said "yes", because I really did. And then you asked me "do you like him?". I said "no, I don't. It's you that I like." Then you asked me "do you like Korean guys?", I said "no!" "If you didn't like Korean guys, why do you like me? You said I look Korean." And I just went back to singing. HAHAHA. 

We spent three hours singing, laughing, drinking and just making fun. When the last 5 minutes appeared in the screen, I decided that I'll sing the Korean song that I've been wanting to sing to you since I knew of it. So I sang the song even if I knew I couldn't sing it well. Chorus came and you suddenly grabbed the mic and sang it with me. I was surprised, well, everyone was. I even caught myself off tune when you started singing with me. Later in the song, you were sort of getting the tune wrong so I decided to look at you to sort of "guide" you. When I looked at you, our eyes met and yes, I felt butterflies for the first time. We finished the song and everyone clapped. We did a high five and went out of the karaoke. We were walking down the stairs when you suddenly put your arms around me again. "The last song was a very nice song. I liked it. I liked that we sang it together." And we were walking with your arms around my shoulder. I think you thought I felt awkward so you decided to get your arms off me. But I really wanted it to stay that way. We walked to the dormitory and said our good nights.

Saturday night, you called me to give my scrapbook back to me. You called at around 10 and my friends and I were still in the 노래방. (yes, I sang for three straight days that if you talk to me now, my voice sound like a boy. I hadn't recovered yet. =)))) I said that maybe, I will be back at the dormitory in an hour and I will just call you when I return. When we finished, I called you. I said I'll meet you after 20 minutes. I ran up the dorm to get my letter for you. I came down and met you. (our Taiwanese friend even saw it.=D) I handed you my letter and you gave me my scrapbook. You were opening it already and I said open it when you go back to China.haha. You saw I was just wearing slippers so you were pulling me inside the receiving area of the  boys' dormitory. I said it isn't allowed so I will just stay outside. And then, you decided to stay outside with me. I was telling you that I will really miss you. You said that you will miss me too. I fixed Tel's guitar when I said that you were telling a lie because I didn't want to see what your answer would be. But then, you suddenly put your face in front of me and looked me in the eyes and said "I am not telling a lie. You know I hate lies." I think you wanted to say something more but our friend suddenly arrived and I asked him to sign my friend's guitar. 

Everybody was finished signing and it was time for goodbyes. I decided that I'll just give a handshake to you guys because you were "guys". It would have been easy for me to give an effeminate friend a hug because it wouldn't be awkward. So I extended my hand to one of our friend and he shook my hand back. But when I offered a handshake to you, you didn't stretch your hand back. You gestured your arms into a hug and said, "No, give me a hug." 

I was surprised. I didn't expect you to say that. Especially because two of our friends were there. But I was glad. No, I was thrilled when you said that! So even if it was hard for me to reach you because you were so tall for me, I hugged you. Yes, I was on tiptoe when I hugged you. I hugged you tight and you hugged me back. I laid my head on your shoulders and hugged you as if I didn't want to let go. You hugged me back with your arms on my waist. Then I suddenly felt that you were brushing my hair, sort of patting my head. It felt good. I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to cry in front of you. I didn't want you to see me crying. I wanted to stay like that a little more longer but it was awkward because our friends were still there. So after a few seconds, I hugged you very tight for the last few seconds and made you feel that I didn't want to let go.

I let go and went back to the dormitory. I saw that you were still looking at me until I was completely out of sight. I wondered if you wanted to say more. I wondered if you had regrets. I wanted to go out again to hug you but I felt that tears were slowly trickling down my cheeks so I just went up the dormitory. 

It was the first time I hugged a guy that I really liked. I mean, I am a touchy person. I like giving out hugs and holding hands but with the guy I like-like, it is a totally different story. I never hugged the guy I like-like. I never even held hands with them. They never even put their arms around me. 

It was different. You were different. And yes, it was the first time I ever felt butterflies. 

십육

16 days left.

16 days left that I will call you 오빠 in person. 16 days left when I will hear your voice. 16 days left that I will see your smile. 16 days left that I can hang out with you.

I know how much you miss home. You've told me a lot of times. So I don't want to be selfish and tell you not to go. I know how much you miss your mom's cooking that you say you can't sleep because you're looking forward to eating your mom's mandus again. I know how you feel. I felt that way during my first three months here.So I won't stop you.

I will miss you. I will miss how you would suddenly talk to me in QQ. I will miss all the times that you scare me with your voice. I will miss all the times that  you tease me.I will miss it when you wave at me when you see me. I will miss it when you play all "suplado" and ignore me. I will miss it when you ask me if I'm okay or not...I will miss YOU.

Of course we can still talk in QQ or in facebook but everything will be different.

We won't be able to walk beside each other after class. I won't be able to laugh at you when you try to speak in English. There won't be any more random "staring" games at class. No more jokes and teases. I won't hear you call me 동생 anymore. No more blocking-the-door games. I won't be able to compliment you everytime you looked great. We won't be able to play arm wrestling anymore.We wont be able to eat lunch or dinner in the 식당 anymore.

Right now, I'm almost in tears as I'm typing this. 16 days left for me to look at your face. I will never know if ever you can go to the Philippines or I can go to China or we can ever meet again. I don't want to think that December 19,2011 will be the last time we will be seeing each other but as far as I can see it, it is.

Honestly, I don't want to sleep right now. If I sleep, another day will pass. If another day passes, it will be that closer to THAT day.

this is going to be the last time...

I told myself that I will try my best not to think about you anymore. I won't be writing about you anymore. I won't send you messages nor will I try to start a conversation. I will not think about you anymore.

Korea was a good escape actually. Here, I found out that there is still more to see and explore. Much more people to meet. In fact, I haven't thought of you for the past 5 months.

But then, our homework reminded me of you again...  "기억에 남는 선물"...and in that instant, your gift came to mind....

Yes, your gift still is the most memorable for me. It was the first piece of jewelry I received from another person except my parents or family. I am itching to write about this gift but I'd rather not. I don't want to revive the feelings or remind myself how much you made me feel loved. 

Yes, those three years of being in the gray area was both great and heartbreaking. 

It was great because it was the first time I went on a "date"...fine, first time I went out with a guy friend with only the two of you together. It was the first time I felt really "kilig" everytime you would look at my eyes.It was the first time I felt like I belonged to a couple.

It was heartbreaking because I never really knew if we were an "us" or a "you and I". It was heartbreaking because you never said you loved me or liked me but you acted that you did. It was heartbreaking because I didn't know where I was supposed to be. 

The three years passed by so fast and yes, they were full of memories. First dance. First gift. First movie date. A lot of firsts. But then, maybe I did get tired too. 

I got tired of waiting for you to confess to me. I know your actions might have said enough but then, without any verbal reassurance, I wouldn't believe. I got tired of holding on. I got tired of boxing myself in the "us" image. 

But yeah, than you for all the good and bad times during those three years. It will forever be in my heart. 

And yes, when I return home, I honestly don't know how to respond to our friends who will definitely ask about "you and me". I also wouldn't know how to act around you. Honestly now, I'm hoping that we won't be seeing each other on my first Sunday back home. Honestly, I ain't ready to see you yet. Not now that I've declared to myself that I've moved on. 

Nope, I won't be deleting this blogpost anymore, I swear. Even if I will be able to read this over and over again, I am prepared to read this again. 

And yes, I really do hope that this will be the last time I will be writing about you.   

960 minutes

All I hear right now is the sound of raindrops falling on my window and my typing...

As I listened closely, I could hear one more thing...

Stolen glances. 

When I'm really tired,down and stressed, I want to see your smile. Because seeing it makes me feel that everything will be worth it in the end. 

But sometimes seeing you could be heartbreaking just because I know that I am just your "good friend." That we can never be what I wished to be.

Our world right now is too small. I get to see you at least four times a week and talk to you at least once a week. 

I know you're not stupid. I know you know that I like you THAT way.

Sometimes I regret telling you. Sometimes I think this was the only way to go. 

I purposely glance at you during class hours...more than you know. I can't help it. Just seeing your eyes even in side view makes me feel like my day is complete. 

And sometimes I catch you looking my way too. I don't want to think of it that way but I can't help it. 

We're too much alike. We're loners. We like going out on our own. We are both quiet when around most people and only open up only within our circle. 

Today, we walked out of the classroom together. We walked down the stairs together. You could have gone first but you waited for me. 

It was raining. We both didn't have our umbrellas. I had a hoodie on so I can walk even if it was raining. You were wearing a trench coat today so you had no choice but to get wet. 

I offered to lend you my scarf because it was big enough to cover your head. You turned down my offer because you said I should use it so that I wouldn't get sick. 

You used our book to cover your head. You told me to walk faster. I told you I can't. I asked you go ahead because I didn't want you to get sick. But you waited for me. 

"예뻐요." 

I heard you say it again after a very long time. And you said it looking straight into my eyes. Then I heard your hearty laugh again. 

Hearing that simple phrase and hearing your hearty laugh made me want to freeze time. It made my heart skip a beat. 

I really wished we could have stayed under the rain a little bit longer. Because it was one of the few times that you were the real you and I was the real me. It was one of the few moments when we feel that special connection between us.I swear it was priceless. 

And if this is what they call love, then I am in love with you after all. I can say that you are and will always be my first love.

...and right now, as the rain is slowly coming to an end, I realized what I was hearing all along....

...it was my heart skipping a beat just because I am thinking of you. 

스트레스가 쌓아요.

Today I just realized how jampacked my schedule is. I posted this picture in Facebook and realized I barely have time to rest. I have three classes, I have work for my allowance, and I have a review class for next year's TOPIK. I only get to sleep "enough" during Saturdays and I go to church every Sunday so I don't have time for rest on Sundays too.

I'm not complaining. I just realized how many things I get to do in a day. So many that's the reason I find myself easily tired and sleepy in class.

But I know, everything will soon pay off. I WILL pass TOPIK this January. I WILL have the time of my life in my remaining three months here in Korea. I WILL get good grades. I WILL have the time of my life.

Back to reviewing now, I just wanted to take a break for a while. =)

done. I can finally go home now

First off, I know it's been a month again since I last updated this. It's just that whenever I decide to write something, I put it off because I have other things to do.

Well, this month, I promised myself I'd write more. Then I'll keep on writing.I just hope I'll do it faithfully this time.

So what have I been up to the last month? It's been one hell of a rollercoaster for me I could say.
My teacher complimented me last month. That I spoke Korean well...that I even sounded like one already. So that made me smile. =)

And yes, last month, he made me cry and smile. He mad me cry because he said he only saw me as his younger sister. But then, he also made me smile at the simple things he did to me everyday. (Yes, I like him that much...I guess)

So that's not the whole point. The whole point is this, somehow, I guess I made him know that I like him THAT way. I mean, this time, I didn't run nor did I  go "offline" to avoid his answer. This time, I did somehow say it to him in person...somehow, I guess....

So this is how it went. His birthday was last October 27. I had a gift for him but I didn't really now how to give it. So, I put it off a couple of days later. But I did greet him a happy birthday on his birthday...at exactly 12am.

Oh wanna know what my gift was? Here's a picture of it:

Yes, that's my eyes up there. hahaha. and yes, Those are paper cranes...how many?1,000.

So yeah, I'm supposed to tell you how I managed to give him the gift right? Okay.
So Nov.1st, I decided I'd finally give it to him. Dinnertime. We were eating on the same table. When I got the chance, I asked him if he had time tonight. He asked why and what do I want to do. I told him I just wanted to give him his gift. He insisted that his birthday was over BUT I insisted that I had to give it to him.

Because I had evening classes, I had more time to think about how I would give it. Likewise, I had more time to be nervous about it. I really didn't listen to our class during that time mainly because the class was boring and also I couldn't concentrate.

After classes, I went back to the dormitory. Talked to mama and decided I'd send him a message at around 10pm. The 10pm moved until around 11pm. I sent him a message and he was calling me. I didn't answer it because I was dead scared.  I didn't know what to tell him. He called me twice and I purposely didn't answer it. Then he said he was busy. So I replied that I'm sorry I didn't hear my phone ring and said I'll just see him tomorrow. Then he was calling again. Again, I didn't answer  because I can't calm myself. So, I missed his call again. I was talking to Jayson, explaining to him the situation. He told me to calm myself first before talking to him. So when I already calmed myself, he decided to message me in QQ. I told him I was just about to call him. So we were talking in QQ, then he called. He said he was going down the dorm and see you in a while. So I said,okay. I was preparing the paper bag and he sent me a message in QQ saying, I received the call. HAHAHA.

When I went down, he was already in front of the dormitory. He was just wearing slippers so I thought he was cold. He said he was a bit cold but it was okay. Then I told him that we go in front of the canteen, where there were no people. When we were there, I handed him the gift. He didn't want to take it because he thought it was expensive, because the box was big.(The only thing a bit pricey was the slice of cake, btw) So I opened it and gave the cake first. He said thank you and sorry for not having a big party. Next, I handed him the "card" (which the only thing written was 생일 축하해요 오빠!ㅋㅋㅋ). Then, he didn't want to take the box because he really thought it was expensive. So I opened it, (even if I know Chinese don't open gifts in front of the giver) and when he saw it, he was so surprised. I can see how happy or rather, touched he was so I was happy. Even if he didn't feel the EXACT same way, at least I know, I made him smile and happy. I think he still couldn't believe someone exerted that much effort to give him that gift. He kept touching the paper cranes as if he didn't believe it was true. He asked how many it was, and I told him it was 1,000. He was surprised. So he told, "고마워요. 진짜 고마워요."(Thank you. Really thank you.) But then he asked me why I was giving him this gift. That point, I didn't know what to say. I mean, I wanted to tell him the truth but I was afraid he'd just shut me down. So I told him that I really find him as a really kind friend and that he is like a really good " 오빠" (big brother) to me.And I told him I liked his personality.  We were walking back to the dorm and he still kept on saying thank you. And then we said goodnight and see you tomorrow.

I know. I shouldn't have lied. I should have told him I gave him a gift because I liked him. But I was scared that I'd complicate things. I mean, I wouldn't want to risk our friendship. And honestly, for the first time, I can say that I'm happy just seeing the person I like happy. Maybe if you also saw his teary eyes, his unimaginable smile, and unexplainable expression, you could really say that he was touched with my gesture. And, for the first time, I didn't want an "I like you too." as an answer. Seeing him happy made me happy as well.

This is the first time I did something this grand for a guy. And I don't regret that it was him I chose to take this risk. He may not like me the same way that I like him now. But this I can say honestly, I really don't mind. Because  at least, I know, during that one day, November 1,2011, I made him feel important. And I know, he will never forget me.

And yes, now, I'm okay with being your "great friend." 고마워요 안동 오빠!^^ 먼저, 너 때문에 한국어를 열심히하겠어요. 또 너 덕분에 사랑을 뜻이 알고 다시 믿어요. ^^

it's been a month

It's been a month since I last updated this blog. So, probably this blog is going to take a while before you can finish reading it entirely.

Last Korean thanksgiving ( they call it 추석) mama and I went to Seoul together. Three days were not enough at all. So on January, I shall go back there to start buying presents for everybody back home. We went to a lot of places and it was very fun. Honestly, I thought I would be irritated because I was with mama that time but I enjoyed it so much.

Mama only stayed here in Korea for around two weeks. So September 16, I had to bring here to the airport. Honestly, I thought I wasn't going to cry mainly because I have survived  here in Korea for 7 months without her already so I thought seeing her off would be very easy. But then I was wrong, I cried when I was saying goodbye to her. But then after one week, I was okay. =))))))

We also had a school festival last month. It was indeed very memorable. It was the first time I drank so many that my head hurt. But then, it was kind of fun. I mean, nothing beats UP fair but still, it was good enough for me. I am not that into parties anyway. =)

I also met a good friend last month. His name is 원 요웅 and he can speak English really well. He is also very kind and interesting to talk to.

September was my month I could say! And yes, you guessed it right, it was a good month because of the matters of the heart. It was a rollercoaster but then, it turned out okay.

I've been liking this guy for some quite time now. And my friend tells me that she thinks he likes me too. But then again, I don't want to keep my hopes up so I'm just enjoying whatever I can as of the moment.

Everything that makes "kilig" about him is written in my planner. Yes, I like him THAT much to write anything that he does to me...even if it's bad. =))))

So how do I start talking about him? hmmm. Last semester we're not that familiar with each other.But we do say hi and hello every now and then...;well, at least I do. He is also very quiet like me so probably that's the reason why he is shy in greeting me. But then, thank you to the Jeju trip, we got familiar with each other. So after the said trip, we were closer.

This semester, we're classmates. I was so happy when I found out that he would be my classmate because I wanted to know him more. He was still very quiet and hardly talks to me. He would talk to me whenever my other Filipino friends were not around. Maybe because  he was shy with them around.

But when September came, he started talking more to me. We even had an arm wrestling! haha. And yes, he offered to help me with whatever problem I had in Korean. Mainly because he was in advanced level already. hahaha. And he also started to be interested in the things I do during the weekends or whenever I had time. So maybe, that's why I got the courage to decide to tell him that I liked him. I told him I like him when I was "drunk"...well, he thinks I was drunk that time but I was completely okay. I said I liked him and ran away so I was not able to see his reaction. Two days after my "confession", he went to class and he was sort of awkward talking to me...not the way he did before. So I was very sad and regretted that I told him I liked him.

Friday came and he still was not talking to me. Friday night and my Chinese friend called me and invited me to go to the karaoke together. I said yes without knowing that he would be there too. So when I first saw him, I was awkward first. But then, he talked to me. He even wanted to take me to the dormitory but then I think his friends were still there so he hesitated.He just said take care and see you tomorrow.

Okay, I'll cut it there right now. I'm saying too much. Maybe I'll run out of things to write about this month.
Don't worry I shall keep you posted with whatever is happening to me. =)

P.S. He noticed I changed my hair color...which means he really takes notice of me. Okay, I shall stop swooning now. =))))))

I shall sleep now. I have to get a good sleep because I will see him tomorrow. =)
Hugs and Love from Korea! <3

how's it going

Fall semester started about a week ago. And this semester, I have three subjects: Korean, English and Global class.

I take Korean classes everyday. 4 freaking hours everyday, but I couldn't complain.I mean, I wanted this, so I have to work of it. I get to meet 4 teachers, each of which had different teaching methods. Sometimes, it could get confusing but I'm getting by. Korean class is fun mainly because the whole class is of familiar faces. Add to that, my two crushes are my classmates.ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

English  class is very basic. I feel like I'm studying in grade school all over again. But then, I am enjoying class because it's a very light subject. I just hoped now that I took another class schedule. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Global class was a bit boring at first. But now, I'm starting to understand the class.

I'm currently in class now, so I'll stop writing. I just wanted to update this blog. ㅋㅋㅋ

I'll post maybe after Chuseok, oh that's the Korean thanksgiving day.
And oh, mama's here now in Korea. We'll be spending Chuseok together in Seoul. I'll write about that next time.

'til next time.My teacher might catch me not listening to her. ㅋㅋㅋ 

last procrastination

School is about to start in a couple of hours. And before I become busy again, I decided that I should write again. 


Facebook has started showing people what their status updates were this time last year. And today, it caught my attention. This time last year, my status message was: "gusto ko pa ding maniwalang may patutunguhan ang paghihintay kong ito. Papa God, give me more faith please. || Focus Nich, FOCUS.=|"


This time last year, I was distracted mainly because of the impending result of the scholarship I applied for. Yup, I am talking about this scholarship in Korea that I am in right now. 


Six months here in Korea and I still think that everything is a dream for me. I still think that one day I will just wake up and find myself in the Philippines already. I still can't believe that I am here right now...that I have met a lot of wonderful people and experienced life-changing events here. 


Six months passed by very fast. The second semester is going to start in a few hours and before I even notice, I'll be coming home soon. 


I realize now that I have to make the most of my stay here in Korea. Time is my enemy, and sadly, it's really tricky. 


Later, I have to go to my Korean class, I just hope that I will see familiar faces in the classroom tomorrow. My classmates last semester were awesome...and it would be really great if I would be able to spend another semester with them. 

here I go again

I should be resting now...or doing something productive because school is about to start in a couple of days but then, I don't know why I am here again blogging about this stuff. 

I am really confused right now. I don't want to write about it in detail. I just want to write I am confused right now.

fun Friday

Right now, I am taking a break from making all those paper cranes. I think I have made more than 100 and I still have a couple more months to work on it, so I really don't want to rush making 1,000 and doing it badly. 


Anyway, this week, I met a new friend. Her name is Jane and she came from Estonia. I've been taking care of her, showing her around and introducing her to people...and I really don't mind. I mean, I'd love to do something rather than just stay at the dormitory and sleep a lot. 


Yesterday, we went to Homeplus and I helped here buy some stuff for her room. We bought what she needed to have first. Oh, but before we went to Homeplus, something scary happened. We were walking towards the bus stop when a policeman said we couldn't pass that way. I knew another way out so I told Jane we'll go out that way. As we were walking to the bus stop, I heard planes. They were very loud and I've seen them for the first time. I was starting to be scared mainly because they were loud, so I thought they were flying low. Furthermore, Jane told me, they were war planes...which made me panic more. But then, everybody around us seem not to care. So I thought, maybe this was something normal to them. But still, I am IN a foreign country...what makes it worse is, I am IN a foreign country wherein there is internal war. So I was panicking and becoming my usual paranoid self again. But then, maybe after around 5 minutes, the traffic went back to normal...and soon, everything went fine. 


Today, I went to 광양 to visit Esther. Esther is a very sweet kid that I met in the Christian church. She is the eldest daughter of the pianist in the church. Last Sunday, she asked me when I will go to their house, and we decided that we go today because today is her free day. So I brought Jane along with me since I figured that she wasn't doing anything and this was a good chance for her to go around the city.  


We took bus 77, and honestly, I was a bit panicking because I hadn't been to their house yet. But I knew I could read and listen to Korean well enough that I probably wont get lost. The bus got a bit full so when some old ladies rode on the bus, Jane and I decided to offer our seats to them. They were very thankful. I was actually happy because when they talked to me in Korean, I did understand them. I mean, my goal here is to be proficient in Korean, and maybe I am one step closer to that. 


One old lady noticed my ballers and asked me why I was wearing such. I said I just felt like wearing them. Then she started talking to me. She started asking me where I came from...and then she asked me the never-ending-question if I came here to get married. I instantly said no and explained to her that I came here to study as an exchange student. I was a bit pissed off with this question but I didn't mind. But I was happy that at least I could understand what they were saying to me. The old ladies were helpful enough to tell us that we would get off at the next station. 


Then, we met up with Ms.Sarah and together we went to pick up Esther. She was so happy to see me that she literally jumped in the car and sat on my lap. I was so happy. Then we went to their house and did some paper-folding. Then Esther gave me a very cute envelope with her drawing in it. It was very sweet. Then, she gave me her present, it was candies and lollipop, too bad I couldn't eat them next week, I have to watch my diet. I also asked her to play the piano for me. Ms.Sarah said, Esther didn't like playing the piano for other people, even for her family. This was the first time she played the piano for me. 


For lunch we had kimbap. It was Jane's first time to eat kimbap and odeng. After lunch, we came to look at the nearby fashion shop. The clothes there were much more cheaper than the ones in the nearby downtown. There was a great pair of red wedges which I REALLY wanted to buy, but I have no money now because I payed for my mother's stay here. Ms.Sarah said I could return anytime there and I could just give her a call and she'll take me there. 


Then, we came to see Abraham and Grace. They were in kindergarten. Grace was so excited to see me that she said goodbye to her teacher already. Abraham was still a bit shy but at least he was answering to me now. The kindergaten here is very nice. It looked like a palace to me...really. When we were leaving, the young children were not shy that they said goodbye to us a couple of times. I was very happy.


Then we returned to their house. It was a nice, big house. I really liked it. As Ms.Sarah prepared fruit punch, Esther and Jane played chess. Esther was really good. Then we had some chips, fruit punch and ice cream. We chatted more and Esther showed us some of her ballet dances. She was very good. 


Then, Jane and I decided that we should go home to rest for a bit because we still have a housewarming party to go to tonight. As I was saying goodbye, it seemed that Esther didn't want me to go. She hugged me very tight and kissed me a lot. And when I was putting my shoes on, she was pulling me back. So I said don't worry, we shall see each other on Sunday.Then Jane and I took the bus again back to the university. 


Today was a very happy day. I wanted to play more but I think it'll be better to play more next time. It was also a bit sad that I didn't get to play with Grace and Abraham a lot, but at least I saw them. 


I think it's going to be really hard for me to go home because of these three kids. These three kids are very sweet and nice that I really want to see them every week.  

5 months

As I've written in my first blog post, I am currently here in South Korea as an exchange student. The first three months were definitely hard for me. This is my first time away from home and away from my comfort zone. I spent most of the nights crying myself to sleep because I miss home so much. After a couple of months, I felt comfortable living here in South Korea. I feel so comfortable here now that I can live here for a few more years.

Well, that's not exactly my point here. What I want to write about is my realizations while I stayed here. So that after a year or two, I can still go back and re-read whatever I have written here.

Here in Korea, they have a standard of what is "beautiful". Beautiful=big eyes, white skin, slim body. It's either these criteria or you're out. And of these three criteria, I only have one, big eyes. Girls here are dying to be able to qualify in all three, and honestly, it's not good. I mean, I met two Korean friends here that are pretty. If you put them in the Philippine society, Filipino guys would definitely find them attractive. They have a very fresh face and they always smile, and that is what makes them attractive. Most importantly, they have a very good personality...something that we find really attractive. But if you ask them, they don't think of themselves as pretty...just because they don't have "big" eyes, "white" skin, and a "slim" enough body.

I'm dying to tell my friends how beautiful they are in their own way.They're pretty because they have a very nice smile. Also, when they laugh, they laugh heartily. They're bodies are proportionate to their height. Likewise, they carry themselves well and exude an aura of confidence.

And because of this reflection, I also realize how much I need to appreciate myself more. I need to appreciate myself more despite of all my imperfections. Yes, I have big arms and big thighs and I have to live with it. All I have to do is to focus on my assets and work on it. I have learned to accept my sort-of-chinky eyes, my cleft chin, my arched eyebrows,and my smile. Realizing where my strong points are, I know, I am beautiful in my own way.

Someday, I"ll convince my friends that they are too.

and here's a cliche-ish post

oh yes, I'm going to write about the most overrated topic...and yes, you got it correctly, it's about the dreaded four letter word, LOVE.

You are probably thinking, "oh, that 20 year old's going to swoon over a guy she's liking now.and she'll write about all the cheesy stuff they do together." Well, let me disappoint you already, I am not going to do that. I am not going to write about the guy I like right now.So if I disappointed you, you're 100% free to go. =)

Because I'm living far away from home, I don't have my mom to talk to about these kind of stuff. And besides, I still feel awkward talking about it with my mother. Anyway,that's not the point. Here in Korea, I have found a new family. We came from different walks of life, different experiences, and that's what makes it interesting. Maybe I'll write about my Korea family on our 6th month.Anyway,because we also differ in age group, talking could be quite interesting. There are those who think like a child, while there are those who think mature enough based from their experiences. Well, that's not the whole point here either. What's important is that we learn from each other at least in one way or another. And yesterday was a very long yet interesting day.

I thought I have fallen in love before. But yesterday, I was proven wrong. Love is such a complicated thing/feeling/situation that, honestly, I think I am not yet ready for.There's always going to be smiles and tears, winning and losing, and holding on and letting go.

Yesterday, I heard of the news that two of my friends broke up with their long-time partners. One was of 7 years, the other was of 6 years. I can see how much both were hurting. The one I can see physically. She couldn't stop crying over the feeling of losing a bestfriend and partner at the same time. The other one I can see through her facebook posts. But one thing that was common to them was they were both hurting. And in love, someone's always going to try to hold on...but then eventually, someone also decides to let go. But I know, they'll find who is meant for them someday.

Love is just too complicated. I realized I should not try to force myself into falling in love. It'll just come when it's ought to come. Rather than spending time looking for that "someone", I'd spend my time now loving myself and preparing myself in all aspects, so that when I meet him, I can easily say, "I'm ready now."

And yes, I am still not giving up on the idea of a happy ending and a forever. I ain't given up on the idea of "my perfect love story."

Ate's, I know you haven't too. We'll always be with you. =)

(my thoughts are all messed up, I just wanted to write about this anyway.)

starting all over again

Okay. I've had this blog since October of last year. I actually had a lot of posts in it already but I decided to delete it all. I just want to start all over again. 

2011 is definitely MY year. I am now currently in South Korea as an exchange student. I've been living here for almost 5 months and I am definitely having the time of my life here. In fact, it's kind of hurting when I think that I will soon return to the Philippines. But I know, I have to return home...well, nothing beats home anyway. 

I want to go back to writing so I'm doing this all over again. After all, writing has always been my first passion. I remember that I'd always write whenever I was frustrated or  happy. I still keep an old-fashioned diary but since I am spending way too much time on the internet, I'd rather use it in a better way. I know it'll be hard to keep this blog, but I hope this time around, I won't be as lazy as I used to be. After all, I am on summer vacation right now anyway. So expect that I'll be writing as often as I could until maybe the last week of August. 

I don't want to keep this post long, that'll kill all the excitement. I'm probably reserving all my stories for the next few days. 

Writing skills, I missed you. Please, love me still.