Well, this month, I promised myself I'd write more. Then I'll keep on writing.I just hope I'll do it faithfully this time.
So what have I been up to the last month? It's been one hell of a rollercoaster for me I could say.
My teacher complimented me last month. That I spoke Korean well...that I even sounded like one already. So that made me smile. =)
And yes, last month, he made me cry and smile. He mad me cry because he said he only saw me as his younger sister. But then, he also made me smile at the simple things he did to me everyday. (Yes, I like him that much...I guess)
So that's not the whole point. The whole point is this, somehow, I guess I made him know that I like him THAT way. I mean, this time, I didn't run nor did I go "offline" to avoid his answer. This time, I did somehow say it to him in person...somehow, I guess....
So this is how it went. His birthday was last October 27. I had a gift for him but I didn't really now how to give it. So, I put it off a couple of days later. But I did greet him a happy birthday on his birthday...at exactly 12am.
Oh wanna know what my gift was? Here's a picture of it:
So yeah, I'm supposed to tell you how I managed to give him the gift right? Okay.
So Nov.1st, I decided I'd finally give it to him. Dinnertime. We were eating on the same table. When I got the chance, I asked him if he had time tonight. He asked why and what do I want to do. I told him I just wanted to give him his gift. He insisted that his birthday was over BUT I insisted that I had to give it to him.
Because I had evening classes, I had more time to think about how I would give it. Likewise, I had more time to be nervous about it. I really didn't listen to our class during that time mainly because the class was boring and also I couldn't concentrate.
After classes, I went back to the dormitory. Talked to mama and decided I'd send him a message at around 10pm. The 10pm moved until around 11pm. I sent him a message and he was calling me. I didn't answer it because I was dead scared. I didn't know what to tell him. He called me twice and I purposely didn't answer it. Then he said he was busy. So I replied that I'm sorry I didn't hear my phone ring and said I'll just see him tomorrow. Then he was calling again. Again, I didn't answer because I can't calm myself. So, I missed his call again. I was talking to Jayson, explaining to him the situation. He told me to calm myself first before talking to him. So when I already calmed myself, he decided to message me in QQ. I told him I was just about to call him. So we were talking in QQ, then he called. He said he was going down the dorm and see you in a while. So I said,okay. I was preparing the paper bag and he sent me a message in QQ saying, I received the call. HAHAHA.
When I went down, he was already in front of the dormitory. He was just wearing slippers so I thought he was cold. He said he was a bit cold but it was okay. Then I told him that we go in front of the canteen, where there were no people. When we were there, I handed him the gift. He didn't want to take it because he thought it was expensive, because the box was big.(The only thing a bit pricey was the slice of cake, btw) So I opened it and gave the cake first. He said thank you and sorry for not having a big party. Next, I handed him the "card" (which the only thing written was 생일 축하해요 오빠!ㅋㅋㅋ). Then, he didn't want to take the box because he really thought it was expensive. So I opened it, (even if I know Chinese don't open gifts in front of the giver) and when he saw it, he was so surprised. I can see how happy or rather, touched he was so I was happy. Even if he didn't feel the EXACT same way, at least I know, I made him smile and happy. I think he still couldn't believe someone exerted that much effort to give him that gift. He kept touching the paper cranes as if he didn't believe it was true. He asked how many it was, and I told him it was 1,000. He was surprised. So he told, "고마워요. 진짜 고마워요."(Thank you. Really thank you.) But then he asked me why I was giving him this gift. That point, I didn't know what to say. I mean, I wanted to tell him the truth but I was afraid he'd just shut me down. So I told him that I really find him as a really kind friend and that he is like a really good " 오빠" (big brother) to me.And I told him I liked his personality. We were walking back to the dorm and he still kept on saying thank you. And then we said goodnight and see you tomorrow.
I know. I shouldn't have lied. I should have told him I gave him a gift because I liked him. But I was scared that I'd complicate things. I mean, I wouldn't want to risk our friendship. And honestly, for the first time, I can say that I'm happy just seeing the person I like happy. Maybe if you also saw his teary eyes, his unimaginable smile, and unexplainable expression, you could really say that he was touched with my gesture. And, for the first time, I didn't want an "I like you too." as an answer. Seeing him happy made me happy as well.
This is the first time I did something this grand for a guy. And I don't regret that it was him I chose to take this risk. He may not like me the same way that I like him now. But this I can say honestly, I really don't mind. Because at least, I know, during that one day, November 1,2011, I made him feel important. And I know, he will never forget me.
And yes, now, I'm okay with being your "great friend." 고마워요 안동 오빠!^^ 먼저, 너 때문에 한국어를 열심히하겠어요. 또 너 덕분에 사랑을 뜻이 알고 다시 믿어요. ^^
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