And yes, today is D-day. T_T
Honestly, I don't know where you are right now. I think I don't even want to know. But yes, I do hope you arrive home safe. For now, I will be writing about the best two memories that you left me with here in Korea.
Friday was our last class together. It was a day full of sadness for me. Earlier that afternoon, I had to say goodbye to my buddy team. And later that day, I had to say goodbye to you. Because I was going home by next year, I wanted to take as many pictures as possible. So I took pictures with the class and our teachers.( too bad I wasn't able to take a picture with one of our teachers.T_T)
So we were taking pictures and you kept on standing beside or behind me. There was even one time when you were playfully holding my shoulders during the picture. I wanted to hold your hand back but I was too shy to do it. The teachers went out and we decided to take pictures of ourselves. We had a group picture. You were staying in the front line and I was at the back. You turned around and seemed to look at me. Then the next thing I knew, you put your arms around me. It was kind of "weird" mainly because if you wanted to stretch you arm, you could have put it on the shoulders of the person beside you. But you didn't. You decided to give yourself a hard time and put it around my shoulders. After the picture was taken, you looked at me as if asking if I was okay with it. Of course I was! I liked you! HAHAHA. That night, we decided to invite you guys for 노래방 and a little of drinking. (Yes, I instantly said yes when my friend asked me if it was okay.) (and yes, my mom doesn't know I drank, she just knows I went out to sing.=P)
So we met at 11-ish. Me, You, Tel, Mark, Hwa Rim, Sa Cheol, Yu Hao and Mr.Fawad went all together. It would have been better if Iye and Mi Jin were with us. But still, it was fun. I was very happy because I was walking with you to the place. We talked and talked as if we were the only two people there. We even stopped in the street to look above at the stars. It was very sweet. So we sang and drank and had a lot of fun in the karaoke.
And yes, I think I drank a lot. I told you again I liked you. You asked me if I found one of our classmates handsome. I said "yes", because I really did. And then you asked me "do you like him?". I said "no, I don't. It's you that I like." Then you asked me "do you like Korean guys?", I said "no!" "If you didn't like Korean guys, why do you like me? You said I look Korean." And I just went back to singing. HAHAHA.
We spent three hours singing, laughing, drinking and just making fun. When the last 5 minutes appeared in the screen, I decided that I'll sing the Korean song that I've been wanting to sing to you since I knew of it. So I sang the song even if I knew I couldn't sing it well. Chorus came and you suddenly grabbed the mic and sang it with me. I was surprised, well, everyone was. I even caught myself off tune when you started singing with me. Later in the song, you were sort of getting the tune wrong so I decided to look at you to sort of "guide" you. When I looked at you, our eyes met and yes, I felt butterflies for the first time. We finished the song and everyone clapped. We did a high five and went out of the karaoke. We were walking down the stairs when you suddenly put your arms around me again. "The last song was a very nice song. I liked it. I liked that we sang it together." And we were walking with your arms around my shoulder. I think you thought I felt awkward so you decided to get your arms off me. But I really wanted it to stay that way. We walked to the dormitory and said our good nights.
Saturday night, you called me to give my scrapbook back to me. You called at around 10 and my friends and I were still in the 노래방. (yes, I sang for three straight days that if you talk to me now, my voice sound like a boy. I hadn't recovered yet. =)))) I said that maybe, I will be back at the dormitory in an hour and I will just call you when I return. When we finished, I called you. I said I'll meet you after 20 minutes. I ran up the dorm to get my letter for you. I came down and met you. (our Taiwanese friend even saw it.=D) I handed you my letter and you gave me my scrapbook. You were opening it already and I said open it when you go back to China.haha. You saw I was just wearing slippers so you were pulling me inside the receiving area of the boys' dormitory. I said it isn't allowed so I will just stay outside. And then, you decided to stay outside with me. I was telling you that I will really miss you. You said that you will miss me too. I fixed Tel's guitar when I said that you were telling a lie because I didn't want to see what your answer would be. But then, you suddenly put your face in front of me and looked me in the eyes and said "I am not telling a lie. You know I hate lies." I think you wanted to say something more but our friend suddenly arrived and I asked him to sign my friend's guitar.
Everybody was finished signing and it was time for goodbyes. I decided that I'll just give a handshake to you guys because you were "guys". It would have been easy for me to give an effeminate friend a hug because it wouldn't be awkward. So I extended my hand to one of our friend and he shook my hand back. But when I offered a handshake to you, you didn't stretch your hand back. You gestured your arms into a hug and said, "No, give me a hug."
I was surprised. I didn't expect you to say that. Especially because two of our friends were there. But I was glad. No, I was thrilled when you said that! So even if it was hard for me to reach you because you were so tall for me, I hugged you. Yes, I was on tiptoe when I hugged you. I hugged you tight and you hugged me back. I laid my head on your shoulders and hugged you as if I didn't want to let go. You hugged me back with your arms on my waist. Then I suddenly felt that you were brushing my hair, sort of patting my head. It felt good. I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to cry in front of you. I didn't want you to see me crying. I wanted to stay like that a little more longer but it was awkward because our friends were still there. So after a few seconds, I hugged you very tight for the last few seconds and made you feel that I didn't want to let go.
I let go and went back to the dormitory. I saw that you were still looking at me until I was completely out of sight. I wondered if you wanted to say more. I wondered if you had regrets. I wanted to go out again to hug you but I felt that tears were slowly trickling down my cheeks so I just went up the dormitory.
It was the first time I hugged a guy that I really liked. I mean, I am a touchy person. I like giving out hugs and holding hands but with the guy I like-like, it is a totally different story. I never hugged the guy I like-like. I never even held hands with them. They never even put their arms around me.
It was different. You were different. And yes, it was the first time I ever felt butterflies.
